(13) What I learned about new relationships

This is another rant on one of my pet topics: letting time and perspective happen in relationships, especially early on.

This all happened recently with my friend Claire. She has started seeing a new guy and really likes him even though they’ve only met a couple of times, (this is by no means exclusive to women either, a certain male friend of mine is exceptionally good at falling for people). But Claire has no idea if the object of her affections likes her so she was wondering if she should text / e-mail him to suggest another date or something. I’m no dating expert, but I said not to get in touch straight away, give it some time and gain some perspective. Get out there, get a life and think about something else. But she resisted, saying she just wanted to know if he liked her or not. Then she could ‘relax’.

So I asked her:

Would you get in touch with him if you knew he didn’t like you? (No, of course not, she said, I wouldn’t waste my time).

Would you get in touch with him if you knew he liked you? (No, she said, I would let him do all the running.)

So, I continue, how will you know if he likes you or not if you don’t leave him to either get in touch or not? At this Claire fell silent, knowing that there is logic in my words. But she could not leave it alone. What if he was waiting for her to get in touch?

OK I said, look at it this way. If you were being pursued by someone that you’re not that bothered about but they ask you to go out places with them, you might go, just for something to do until someone more interesting turns up. If you pursue someone, that’s just what you are to them: A stopgap until someone better comes along. It’s not their fault, you’re doing it to yourself.

So, my advice to her was leave it all well alone. If he likes you, he’ll make the effort to keep in touch. If not, move right along.

These days, relationships seem to have huge expectations attached to them which don’t allow them to progress at a steady pace. This covers both genders and all age groups when expectations are heightened through peer group pressure, ticking biological clocks or celebrity / media pressure (save that rant for another day).

Yes, life is passing by. At exactly the same speed for everyone, we all get the same hours in the week. But a lot of time is wasted through wishing, fretting, hoping and dreaming. Relax. Living is a far better way to pass the time. It’s what happens when he’s still deciding whether you’re ‘the one’ or not (tee hee).

Rant over.

Lighten up!

LightenUp 

We all labour under irrational (and rational?!) fears at times - but here’s a great way to put them into perspective. Click on the link above, enjoy the exercise and tell me how you got on (I’m off to do it right now too . . .)

Sphere of Influence

SphereOfInfluence

This little 5 minute wonder allows you a bit of perspective when the worries kick in at 3am! It links nicely with the previous Panic story. Have a go and let me know what happened . . .

Click the blue, Sphere of Influence, link above.