(17) What I learned about my life purpose

I wanted to expand a little more on what I consider ‘authenticity’ to be.

To me it’s when you feel good about what you’re doing. Work, family, hobbies, interests – they can all lead to feelings of satisfaction. It’s often when the time is flying that you are at your most absorbed and most likely at your most authentic.

I went through an interesting process some 15 years ago, with my good friend Michael who is a Master Pratitioner of Neuro Linguistc Porgramming (NLP). We undertook a process to discover what my ‘higher purpose’ was. That is, what I felt was my reason for being here in life. I worked with Michael over several days, using a variety of means to uncover my thoughts and feelings about my purpose, and try to find a sentence that summed it up. The ‘linguistic’ part of NLP is vital as it is through our words that we make sense of our experiences and thoughts. Then, using language, hope to convey those thoughts to others. A sentence summing up all I felt about my life purpose was not easy to pin down. I knew what I wanted to say but kept replacing and moving the words until I was happy with their arrangement and meaning. Michael kept saying I would know when I had it right and he was spot on as, on the third day, I greeted him with a beaming smile. I’d got it and I knew what I was about:

“Causing potential to find light”

My sentence does not make absolute sense to other people, it wouldn’t necessarily as it was entirely personal to me, but it absolutely sums up when I feel authentic. Interestingly, I have been involved in many different jobs and roles over the years, but it’s been the ones ‘causing potential to find light’ that I have felt truly at home in. As a careers teacher I enjoyed taking my classes out of the school and off to see different environments and people, showing them what actually happens in the working world when they are tucked out of the way in school (don’t start me off!). When I worked for the Education Business Partnership I spent my days devising programmes and projects that would link companies with education & schools. As an Emotional Intelligence assessor (yes, really) I would get huge chunks of time to nothing but listen and encourage individuals to realise their passion. Even with the marketing work that I love doing at the moment I am causing a business, or a business idea, to find its marketplace.

I try to only take on work that fits in with my authentic purpose because it’s enjoyable and ‘feels right’ for me. Possibly because of that I tend to be sought out (and well paid!) for that type of work – a real win/win situation!

(11) What I learned about living my dreams – Part 2!

The second reason people don’t follow their dreams is because they don’t believe in them enough.

Easier said than done I know.

Not that recall chunks of the bible much in my everyday life (?!) but listen to this:

“All things whatsoever ye pray and ask for, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” Mark 11:24

So even way back then Man was aware of the power of belief.

I came across something similar when I first started learning about Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). I had been working with a brilliant Master Practitioner, Michael, on a few issues around the stresses associated with being a newly qualified teacher. It was a course being offered to all NQTs when they started in the, very progressive, London borough of Newham. Anyway, my teaching story is that I decided to train to be a teacher and, about one week into the Post Graduate Certificate of Education at the very prestigious Institute of Education at London University, I decided it was all wrong. No, not me at all. Gulp.

I’d come to the conclusion that all schooling was merely institutionalised babysitting and that we were, in fact, keeping our kids away from the very society they should be exploring. I could go on, but I’ll save my ‘education is flawed’ rant for another day. But I was on the course now so I felt I had to see it through and perhaps I could get work in some peripheral, supportive role in education. Something with more freedom to tweak the curriculum to ‘real’ learning (see how bitter I was?). Six months later, and with me even more restless, it was interview time: all students were required to apply for and be interviewed for teaching posts. I launched myself into it feeling I should participate for the experience if nothing else. I had little intention of joining the ranks of the perpetrators of the schooling myth (teachers). Happily for me I spotted a job teaching metalwork in an east London Boys’ school that was 1½ miles from where I was living. Not so happily for me I went and landed the job.

OK I said. I’ll do it for two years and then I’ll get out. After all I have to know what it’s like inside, if I am to be able to influence education at large in any way. Within that first year I’d been introduced to Michael and the spooky wonders of NLP. And so, in one of our early sessions, Michael had asked about what would be my ideal working situation. Without even thinking I said I would like to be earning the same amount of money, but only working three days a week. Where did that come from? Michael and I explored the motivation for this declaration, programmed it in and job done.

Time passed and I duly left teaching after my allotted couple of years. Don’t get me wrong, I actually really enjoyed being part of the school, the kids were fantastic fun and, on the whole, the staff were very dedicated and interesting people. But it was simply time for me to go. I didn’t leave teaching for any other specific work, I just picked up bits and pieces from the various contacts I’d made over the years. Then I bumped into a colleague (at a tube station!) who said, co-incidentally, she’d been thinking of getting in touch as there was ten days work at the education business partnership she worked for. Another rambling story later and I ended up working there for three years. And oh yes, on better money than when I was teaching, and only three days a week. It took me a while before I realised I’d got what I’d asked for . . .

I think my chequered career since then has much to do with my belief that I can do what I want to, and be paid for it. That realisation did rather set me free from having to find a ‘job’. Though finances can be unreliable and a bit hairy at times I still live with that confidence now.

(7) What I learned about the fear of money

I vividly remember having a conversation with someone about the Euro lottery prize one week. It was a cool 33million pounds and I can hear myself saying “ I wouldn’t want to win that much money, it’s too much”. It was only later when I thought about this remark that I realised that fans of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) would call it a limiting belief. I thought that too much money was detrimental in some way. Money would be somehow damaging to me. Corrupting. Did I think it would ruin my life? Quite possibly I think I did.

Statements that I felt were true included: I would lose all my friends because we would be having different lives, they would still be striving and I would have no such money worries. I would be able to afford things that they wouldn’t and resentment would build up. Maybe I felt the equality between friends would be lost, something I always felt to be important.

In fact, when I examined my thoughts on the matter I realised none of my fears had anything to do with the money itself, they were all concerned with the social impact. So I set about imagining what good things could come out of acquiring such a huge amount of dosh.

I’m not a massive fan of material possessions as such, but I’d certainly pay off a few mortgages for friends and family and do the treats and holidays for everyone. But then what would my life be about? What would I work for if I didn’t have to work for money?

Slowly an idea formed and, as it took shape, I knew I’d hit on the answer: I’d give my money away.

No, don’t form an orderly queue, I haven’t won it yet. And when I do I have very specific criteria as to where it will go. A few years back I was very taken by a TV programme called The Secret Millionaire. You probably know the idea: A rich person goes undercover into a troubled community with the intention of finding worthwhile beneficiaries for their money. Often these programmes are very profound as the ‘millionaire’ often sees things they never imagined before, or is transported back to their roots in some way. Either way, they are often a tear-jerker.

Whilst that’s not the effect I’m after, I definitely get excited when I think of a life spent researching small and struggling charities run by, as I like to term it, two people and a smiling dog. I would love to discover what they need; paid staff, premises, a piece of equipment, publicity, whatever, and I would simply get it for them. £33million is a lot of wealth to share and I’d enjoy giving away as much as I could.

After I hit on this idea I would get so excited about the thought of travelling the world giving away my money that I knew I would win a lot of money on the lottery one day. Surely such a great plan has to come into being? Whether I do or not, well, watch this space, but I do know my limiting belief that there was an amount of money that was ‘too much’ has evaporated. Interestingly enough something else occurred to me: what feeling was the thought of giving away my money giving me? I realised it was the feeling of helping somehow. Doing something for no gain in the hope that I had helped in some way, that I had been an instrumental part in something, that I had made a difference. And that led me to the thought that, why wait until I was millionaire before allowing myself that feeling?

That is why I still find time to help others whatever I am doing. Always find time to help someone up the steps with a baby buggy, always sit and listen to a friend when they’re in need, always offer my time to organisations whether to help raise money or staff an event. I can replicate that good feeling of giving something away any time I want to.

Probably a good thing too as the lottery win may not come along just yet!

(4) What I learned about dealing with irritating people

And so every now and then you come across people you don’t like. Or worse, that you inexplicably don’t like and everyone else thinks they are fine. Worse still, you have to work / live with them and there’s no escape. Why do some people just wind you up like that? I’m afraid I can’t tell you, but I can tell you a trick that totally stops them from annoying you. I used this little trick once to really interesting effect when I was teaching. I had a colleague that I couldn’t stand. I didn’t even want to be in the room with him and used to subtly move on if he ever settled himself nearby. Unfortunately this guy was popular with the crowd I used to hang out with, so he was around a lot. I decided that this was not healthy. OK the guy was bit of an idiot, but no more so than half of the other men on the staff at the time (see how bitter I was back then?). So I did a little NLP trick. See f it can work for you too: 

•  First I found a quiet time when I was alone and not likely to be interrupted. 
• Standing comfortably, in a space in front of me I conjured up this guy, the cause of my stress. For this example I shall call him Mark.
• I saw Mark standing there, looking at me as if her was actually with me in the room. And, out loud I spoke to him about how I felt about him. How he inexplicably caused me to be irritated in his presence.
• When I was finished and could find nothing left to say. I took myself off the spot I was standing and ‘shook off’ the state I had been in.
• I then walked over and stood where I Mark had been standing and assumed his perspective. Imagining me in front of him and saying everything he had to say to me. What came out of ‘his’ mouth was astonishing. How he viewed me and the situation was positively insightful. When he had no more to say, I stepped out the space and shook off the state.
• Finally I went back to me original position of being me and looked at him again. Things had definitely changed. I felt differently about him. In fact almost protective of him. He also seemed a lot smaller and vulnerable somehow.

Like magic! The next time I came across him in the staff room things were just fine between us and I suddenly didn’t find him the usual source of irritation. Luckily for both of us, we were scheduled to team teach a regular class shortly after this transformation and we found that we had really interesting complimentary teaching styles, some of the best class work I’d ever done. I don’t think it was as a direct result of me interfering but after that, one by one, the group we used to hang out with began to take a dislike to him. Well, I did tell you he was an idiot after all. He was just not an idiot that got to me anymore!

Try this trick on someone that gets your goat. Let me know what happens . . .

Use the force . . .

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I will never forget doing this exercise with a woman who worked with a team of older, male managers. She decided she wanted to take charge a bit more so decided to think of Sigourney Weaver when she needed strength in meetings. I said I thought that was a great idea as Sigourney was clearly a talented, well respected and powerful woman in Hollywood. She looked at me and said Oh no – I mean her playing Ripley in Alien. With a big gun.

Gulp!

Click the blue link above  and see who you could turn into – if you dare!

(3) What I Learned About Having No Confidence

I once took Carol Vorderman to a Curry’s electrical shop.

She was very effective.

Of course it wasn’t actually Carol. Just a little NLP trick.

I don’t know where I’d lost my confidence along the way that day, but I found myself needing service in a Curry electrical shop yet did not have the courage to approach one of the staff. Yeah I know, it doesn’t sound like bolshie me at all. But as I always try to remember: I am me now, but I might be a very different me another day. Life affects us all and none of us are immune to feeling jaded or to experience a lack of confidence at times. The trick is to notice when it’s happening and realise it doesn’t define you. I didn’t suddenly become someone who had low confidence, I was just experiencing an unconfident moment. With the tricks I now know I will never slide into the assumption that any of my character traits are anything other than improvable. (If I want to ‘improve’ them that is!)

And in Curry’s I did want to improve my confidence level. So I invited Carol to help me out.

As I was stood there, being ignored in the aisles, I imagined what Carol would do. Now, let me explain why Carol is my person of choice in this situation. To me, she embodies a confident, no nonsense, assertive, but above all else a nice person. I wanted to be her and know what to do in Curry’s. Yeah, you may laugh, but heed the power of Carol should you ever need to manifest her in your own life!

When I stated to ‘channel’ Carol I began to feel very different and knew immediately what to do next. And without thinking,  just went and did it. Nothing dramatic mind. Just strode up to two indifferent shop assistants having a nice chat behind the counter and asked one of the to show me a demo of a piece of equipment I was thinking of buying. Some thirty minutes later me and Carol had heard all the hi-fis in the place and decided not to purchase one. I have no doubt that had Carol not been with me that day I might have plucked up enough courage to ask to see one CD player and then be talked into buying it by a persistent assistant!

Funnily enough, I’ve needed to use Carol less and less over the years until I almost have become that confident assertive person that I needed her to be for me. So, to follow that logical assumption through; one could acquire all the ‘desirable’ attributes one sees in others by simply modelling them in this way.

Let me know how it works for you . . .