(4) What I learned about dealing with irritating people

And so every now and then you come across people you don’t like. Or worse, that you inexplicably don’t like and everyone else thinks they are fine. Worse still, you have to work / live with them and there’s no escape. Why do some people just wind you up like that? I’m afraid I can’t tell you, but I can tell you a trick that totally stops them from annoying you. I used this little trick once to really interesting effect when I was teaching. I had a colleague that I couldn’t stand. I didn’t even want to be in the room with him and used to subtly move on if he ever settled himself nearby. Unfortunately this guy was popular with the crowd I used to hang out with, so he was around a lot. I decided that this was not healthy. OK the guy was bit of an idiot, but no more so than half of the other men on the staff at the time (see how bitter I was back then?). So I did a little NLP trick. See f it can work for you too: 

•  First I found a quiet time when I was alone and not likely to be interrupted. 
• Standing comfortably, in a space in front of me I conjured up this guy, the cause of my stress. For this example I shall call him Mark.
• I saw Mark standing there, looking at me as if her was actually with me in the room. And, out loud I spoke to him about how I felt about him. How he inexplicably caused me to be irritated in his presence.
• When I was finished and could find nothing left to say. I took myself off the spot I was standing and ‘shook off’ the state I had been in.
• I then walked over and stood where I Mark had been standing and assumed his perspective. Imagining me in front of him and saying everything he had to say to me. What came out of ‘his’ mouth was astonishing. How he viewed me and the situation was positively insightful. When he had no more to say, I stepped out the space and shook off the state.
• Finally I went back to me original position of being me and looked at him again. Things had definitely changed. I felt differently about him. In fact almost protective of him. He also seemed a lot smaller and vulnerable somehow.

Like magic! The next time I came across him in the staff room things were just fine between us and I suddenly didn’t find him the usual source of irritation. Luckily for both of us, we were scheduled to team teach a regular class shortly after this transformation and we found that we had really interesting complimentary teaching styles, some of the best class work I’d ever done. I don’t think it was as a direct result of me interfering but after that, one by one, the group we used to hang out with began to take a dislike to him. Well, I did tell you he was an idiot after all. He was just not an idiot that got to me anymore!

Try this trick on someone that gets your goat. Let me know what happens . . .