after that click over to my new blog and see what I’m doing with it all . . .

The 45th Year

I have noticed some distinct patterns emerge over the (gulp) nearly 30 years I‘ve been writing: when times are calmer, maybe in a stable relationship or long term work, I write less. When times are challenging the writing becomes almost non-stop as I examine, evaluate and consider my thoughts and options. As you can imagine, the writing’s been on overload since I split from my husband and continue in my eclectic work patterns!

I have also begun to notice that I use writing as a kind of ‘download’ mechanism, to clear my head or to enable me to think out loud somehow. Though I will read back any work related notes I make, and I always enjoy reading my future plans scenarios, I never want to re-read any emotional or relationship related scribblings. I wonder whether they are too painful, too much in the past or too likely to be still going on in my life for me to be able to bear reading. I have notebooks and notebooks of the stuff detailing my most traumatic times and, whilst I don’t wish to read them again myself and would hate for anyone who knew me to read them, I cannot destroy them yet. Somehow they hold a vast amount of emotion and I wonder if it is that I don’t show emotions easily, but somehow need to be reminded that I actually do have them. Hmmm – get back to you on that one!

Writing this blog has been another form of writing for me: writing for an audience. And an audience that has been vocal in letting me know how I’m doing! If you remember I started to write this blog in order to collect my thoughts on a book I’d been meaning to write, but I was having difficulty pinning down my central thoughts for it. Naturally the original 43Things I wanted to tell you about have changed and new thoughts emerged as I wrote, but I am more than happy with the outcome and the experience has been a tad life-changing. My plans are now to go on and get these thoughts formed into some kind of book or art project and that will be the eventual, tangible outcome, but can I tell you that the writing itself means so much more than that.

Yes I have discovered that I have a writing ‘voice’ – sometimes I read back an entry and wonder who wrote it, it seems to come from another place, another person. Yes I can write to order: twice a week, one main essay, one minor supporting role, delivered on time come hell or high water. Yes, I can revise and edit – you have no idea how much that has come into play and how much I still have to do when I re-read it all next week.

Finally though I have learned something huge: all the things I wrote about make up who I am and detail my operational philosophy for life. And, even though times still continue to be challenging, I am fundamentally a happy and contented person. I live in the now and now usually feels good. Recently a friend suggested that I call my book ‘How to be Happy’ and I love that idea because you have been reading here all my efforts to make sense of the world and somehow stay sane.

I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading this blog. I’ve had a blast writing it. See you in The 45th Year

As I mentioned last week I have decided to join in with John Williams 30 day challenge and ‘do something’ with my 43Things in 43Years ramblings. Not 100% sure exactly what I will do, but I expect that will become clearer after I start my 30 days on 1st April.

I had already signed up a new blog to write about my 45th year with the aim of detailing the comings and goings of whatever I did next with 43Things - it also seems like a good way of recording my 30 day challenge.

There’s nothing on the blog yet but a standard WordPress page theme but I’m going to get it ready to launch on April 1st so bookmark it by all means The 45th Year

See you there soon . . .

I’ve called this post noticing the clues because I think that’s what I’ve learned to do over the years and it’s certainly what I’ve noticed I have been doing whilst writing this blog. Many of my statements here over the last 40 odd weeks have mentioned intuition, signs, my Universe, co-incidences, asking for what you want, flow, purpose and generally shaping your future and then letting it go and seeing what happens.

The last ten months or so have thrown up example after example of how magical my life is and yet it must appear very mundane to the outsider. I live in an unremarkable town, co-raise my lovely daughter, my life purpose seems to be to make connections and I pay my way by earning money by a variety of unconnected means. Whatever else I learn in life – and I’m sure there’s another 43 years worth of learning to come! – what’s happened here cannot be undone. I’ve summed up my thoughts about life, to date, and produced what I feel is a very solid framework for living. A blueprint, a checklist, a suggestion.

Whatever life is about (and let’s hope no one figures it out or our journey would then become very dull) I have learned that it can be approached in a way that leads to happiness and joy, whatever the circumstances. As ever, I am certainly not claiming to be immune to the doldrums, negative thinking, or stress, it’s just that those phases seem to pass and my true feelings about life re-establish themselves pretty quickly. As I have ‘decided’ that life is a crazy process that we’re all going through I also decided to treat it as a game. Spotting the clues as they occur has been one of the most enjoyable parts. Chance meetings with people, co-incidences, engineering the future by taking the first steps of a plan, intuition, living in the moment and seeing what happens, taking off on a spontaneous flight of fancy. All have led to clues about what I am doing next in life. And the most amazing part of it all is that I have actually let go of what I’m doing next in my life. I have plans and aims of course, but I am happy to let the clues point me to where I need to be. If there’s no clue, I carry on with what I’m doing.

You may have read in an earlier blog about my Universe that it’s no longer an existence outside of me, it’s a motivational force I now process internally. Makes me sound nuts I know, but just the thought of it has allowed me to step back and not sweat the small stuff (mostly!) and notice the magic in our existence.

Turns out I am a bone fide hippy after all.

I have been following a great guy, John Williams, who wrote the book Screw Work Let’s Play and he has recently launched a 30 day programme to help people get going on projects they’ve been procrastinating over. Along with inspirational life coach Selina Barker, John’s aiming to get 150 people around the world to get going on a project that really excites them. 30 Day Challenge

I have decided to take this opportunity to launch the next blog (more next week) which will record the challenge of getting the 43Things in 43Years book into a format, produce the illustrations and get it out to appropriate publishers.

Can’t wait . . .

Oh but I had often wondered what it would be like to be calm and centred inside. I have seen people meditating and am actually a dab hand at it myself, being able to spend hours at a stretch in the quiet nothingness of ohm. For years I have participated in a Tai Chi type martial art, performed deliberately slowly to centre the spirit. I can chill, nap, reflect, pause, be conscious and get on with it all fine, but I’m back to crazy me afterwards.

But then something occurred to me. When I’m at my most ‘peaceful’ I’m actually not working at being calm at all. I am not causing it through my conscious action or taking any active steps to become at peace. In fact it’s usually the opposite – I find I’m at my most calm when all around is a bit falling apart and looking hopeless. Then it struck me. That is the definition of inner peace. It’s there whatever’s happening and perhaps you only notice it in extreme circumstances. And I began to wonder if the sporadic meditation or Buddhist habit of being present in the moment was paying off when in fact I noticed something else coming into play.

Was I able to be calm because I had tamed the inner turmoil? Not me; still a crazy powerhouse of chaotic ideas inside. But what had changed was the focus of my confidence. The recent stressful years had tested me to the max at times but I was still here, still alive. My capability muscles had been stretched and become stronger through use and, as a result, my self confidence had been given some tangible examples of how I can cope. So, madly enough, my sense of inner peace has come about through the very opposite: coping with extreme inner and outer turmoil. Oh this inner calm is not present 24/7 and I can still get flashes of the old self, oddly enough when times are quiet. But now this inner peace is the norm in my life and is the baseline I always expect come back to.

And, in a way, I still ‘practise’ inner peace. All through this blog I remind myself to witness my life, to actually consciously live it and connect with the people and experiences I come across. I notice when the sun is shining, when my daughter smiles, when I make a connection with someone new, when I’m absorbed in a project, when I am free to walk or drive or be wherever I want. When people are kind, when the wind is blowing so hard my recycling bins fly off down the street, when I’m with the people I love. I notice everything I enjoy, I am happy, I have inner peace.

Life is a Gift by Gill Edwards (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Gift-secrets-making-Practical/dp/074992781X). I’d even got hold of a review copy before it had been published and it has served me well in the years since. Not that I need to be told that I’ll get everything I ask for (have to be careful on that one!), but the general uplifting tone of the book is inspiring. As is Gill’s energy and how she sees our amazing world and our one precious life.

OK you unbelievers, I’ve finished and that was the last of my ten ‘Books with Longevity’ postings.

I’m a big fan of personality tests and diagnostics. I’ve put quite a few of the useful ones on this site in the last year and feel that it’s possible to get a lot out of them if approached in the right way. And by that I mean be evaluative about what they are telling you. What are the results really showing? Do you agree with parts of the tests and not others? Do the results from specific tests correlate with others you’ve taken? How do you feel about the results that you do not think reflect you – do you reject them entirely, or do you wonder what answers you gave that formed that diagnosis?

Quite specific diagnostics like Belbin’s Team Roles (http://www.belbin.com/rte.asp?id=8) actually demonstrate how you work and your best role in a team based activity. I’d say it was hard to argue with this one as it shows preferences in a very positive light in terms of team strengths. Other sites’ diagnostics can read more like a horoscope than a description of your modus operandi. One site I recently tested reminded me so much of a Mystic Meg prediction I wrote and asked for my money back! But generally the more ‘scientific’ sites can reveal interesting titbits of info. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter I linked you to a few months back (http://keirsey.com/default.aspx) had a different slant on some of my character traits and I was able to make new connections and form fresh insights into the way I operate.

But what good is all this? I agree – it’s fine if you wish to know who you are in your job or need to find work that suits your temperament because that’s what these kinds of tests are predominantly used for. But I’ve found them useful in other ways to. As a classic ‘Plant’ in Belbin I understand that my unorthodox attitude to life is not wrong, just unusual. More than that, it was a comfort to know that the skills a ‘Plant’ can offer are highly prized and that organisations really benefit from their strategic input. That’s good to hear when often I’d been told that my head was up in the clouds, not focussed on the minute details. I now know that the strength of being up in the clouds can give me a broader perspective on life and therefore I can see, and overcome, any hurdles that are emerging.

More generally I have discovered that I have a natural tendency towards creativity and problem solving which has actually helped me out in times of stress as I can sit down and rationally plan my way through my troubles knowing that I will solve them. After I’ve proved it to myself a few times I know when the next wave of life stresses appears, I can trust myself to handle it.

So any type of test that can allow you to step outside of yourself and either see yourself as others see you, or demonstrate skills you have at your disposal, or allow you to make inner connections, has to aid your perception, and approval, of yourself. A worthy thing indeed.

Alain de Botton’s The Consolations of Philosophy (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Consolations-Philosophy-Alain-Botton/dp/0140276610) is an extremely good read, or wonderful to dip in and out of. His writing is easy to follow and he makes fantastically salient points about such matters as: Difficulties, A Broken Heart, Unpopularity and Not Having Enough Money – all taken from the great philosophers of all time.

Quite wonderful.

Anyone who knows me personally might assume I am going to write about artistic endeavours. Perhaps waxing lyrical about architectural design, jewellery design, graphics, illustration, fine art or any one of the many art / design / craft disciplines I’ve been into over the years. Yes I love all that stuff and could easily bang on about it as I have before, but it’s not that type of specific creativity I’m exploring today.

I find most people tend to categorise themselves as either creative or not creative. They might think back to the last time they did anything ‘artistic’ which might have been as far back as secondary school (and you know what I think about our paltry education system). But I am on about the wider sense of the meaning of creativity, which I believe we all have.

Something I have discovered is the many ways that we can express creativity, in fact, practically everything we do can be described as ‘creative’. One of the most fun applications of creativity I have come across is the act of doing business itself. Finding a niche product or service, exploring its potential, carving out markets and generating sales. Building on sales, devising additional routes to market through expansion, spotting the growth part of your product cycle and timing your next product or service to maximum effect. Experimenting with different marketing messages and mediums, communication with customers in new ways and seeing the possibilities in the increasingly sophisticated technology available to us all. Just fab. 

Other people get immense pleasure from the creativity of numbers and systems using their passions for diverse rewards as building investment portfolios, programming state of the art software or ensuring their resources are used to their full potential. Luckily for us many others find creativity helping others achieve things, either through formal teaching routes, producing the billions of pieces of free information available to access online networks and blogs or via the thousands of forums and informal discussion boards packed with useful information any one of us can freely access and benefit from.

And, as many people have discovered, there is massive creativity in times of need – when your back’s against the wall and you have to do something amazing to get yourself through a situation. Again – the creativity rises up inside and you find a flow of ideas, solutions and tactics to apply to your problem. And that is when I find creativity at its most fantastic. The human capacity to problem solve is a wonderful, wonderful thing!